Everything said in this article about learning lessons the hard way... ...is SO incredibly ON POINT.

From 'Roads' by Mwar Gorshin

https://medium.com/@fyoaeuriz/you-can-be-grateful-for-the-lessons-and-still-be-sad-for-what-you-lost-in-learning-them-450472c6056a

So short and sweet, yet painfully concise. It made me realize just how much pain I’ve been burying deep inside. I’ve been wondering how exactly I have managed to live through the unthinkable tragedies I’ve endured throughout the past few years. I have been feeling so confused trying to reconcile the gratitude for the more than bittersweet revelations I’ve had about life with the deep seated guilt that consumes me.

The majority of the worst of these tragedies were losses I sustained all within about a year of each other. Give or take.

I literally had no opportunity to process and heal from one loss before the next loss rocked my world, becoming more and more numb with each one. My best guess is that the numbness was a defense mechanism employed by my subconscious which knew I would not likely survive the reality of the unmitigated pain that these tragic losses would surely have caused.

There were tangible, quantifiable losses... I lost 3 jobs in a row, 2 children to a custody battle, my car and then my home, followed by my youngest child to CPS (Self-surrendered because I was homeless and would have never forgiven myself if something had…